So RED Digital Cinema is making a phone… What would happen if ALL camera companies made phones?!?
Canon – For 4 years web empires are built on speculating what the flagship phone will be and when it will launch. Riots ensue when a friend of a friend of a friend in the industry hears that it’s going to have a particle accelerator built in. Finally Canon announces and ships… a phone that would have been cutting edge 4 years ago. Still, the menu is nice and the buttons have advanced clickyness.
Nikon – Makes a great phone that has the prime selling point of being backwards compatible with the telegraph.
Panasonic – Announces and ships phone promptly. Phone has fantastic tech and is higher quality than most phones. Only it’s ½ the size and who wants a ½ size phone? No one. A weird niche of core users hack it and become able to travel through time.
RED Digital Cinema – Announces phone with an ad comprised of nothing but a black velvet nude Elvis painting and promises of teleportation. May possibly be able to make phone calls as well. Pre-order sells thousands in the first hour. Charger cable costs more than Canon’s phone. Ships without ability to make phone calls but will on a later firmware. No one notices or cares and is sold out for years.
Blackmagic Design – Announces a similar phone to Red for 1/3rd the price. Takes a year and a half to ship. Is both figuratively and literally a cinder block. Has more glitches than Red’s phone but includes a free paperback copy of Encyclopedia Britannica. Develops a cult following from people who are jealous of Red owners.
Sony – Already makes an awesome phone that no one really cares except that one weird guy in every office who swears by it. Makes 6 variants within the first week. mkXVIII version launches 8 weeks later.
Lytro – Actually makes and delivers a holographic phone but no one buys it once they realize a holographic phone is completely pointless. Their follow up phone is living room sized and sends criminals to the phantom zone.
GoPro – Makes a mediocre phone but pays NASA to let someone bungee jump off the ISS with it while fighting Godzilla. People lose their minds assuming owning the phone will let them do the same thing and they sell like hotcakes. No one remembers the Contour or Drift phones.
Leica – Paints Panasonic’s phone black and puts a red dot on it, doubles the price.
Hasselblad – One-ups Leica, puts a wood handle on a Sony phone, triples the price.
Samsung – Gets bored of crushing the phone market and makes a decent camera that no one really cares about. Tablets start catching on fire. Ditches cameras and goes back to making phones properly.
SIGMA – Makes a pretty good phone… but runs Windows, so no one gives a crap about it.
DJI – Makes a great phone, but the phones tend to crash frequently and each time require being sent back to the factory for a month for repair. Next gen has anti-crash technology. They still crash.
Fujifilm – Makes such a good phone that it’s totally sold out anytime people go to buy one so people just go back to buying Canon’s 4 year old tech flagship phone.
JVC – Makes a new phone with great ergonomics. People aren’t sure whether it runs Windows, Android or IOS so just go buy 4 year old Canon tech instead.
ARRI – Makes a phone with the best call quality on the market. Costs the same as a nice car and weighs about as much. Lacks the teleportation abilities of the Red phone, but is embraced by everyone who wouldn’t dare be seen talking on a Red.
Kodak – Basically invents the telegraph, telegraph pole and telegraph wires. Decides no one will want a wireless phone. Goes out of business in 17 seconds. Licenses name to selfie sticks.
Polaroid – Makes a comeback from certain death by printing text messages on square paper. Minds blown.